Roger Stone has sparked outrage amongst the American public after revealing that his tattoo of Richard Nixon had budded off into a small humanoid creature bearing Nixon’s likeness.
“After many long years and many sleepless nights, the vessel has been prepared,” said Stone, purportedly. “A body suitable for Nixon’s resurrection. I have eaten nothing but barbecue pork ribs and lard, the food necessary to nourish the growing bud, for the past 10 years. The silent majority will rise again, with Dick’s guidance and my American blood.”
Mike Pence commented regarding the man in charge of “keeping the Nixon flame alive” on behalf of the RNC. “I was skeptical at first. I thought, how were we in the dark about this? How does a man survive on smoked meats for a whole decade? Does God live in fear of our mockery of him? Yet seeing his creation put all my qualms to rest — I saw the face of the man I looked up to when I was a child, and I couldn’t help but fall to my knees and weep in reverence. I have a feeling that lil’ Dick will take our country back to the good ol’ days.”