Volume 27
Leftist Suffers Brain Damage Seeing “More Lib Shit On Twitter”
Leftist Suffers Brain Damage Seeing “More Lib Shit On Twitter” Twitter user @GayRevolverOcelot tweeted that they committed themselves to the local clinic, claiming they suffered brain …
Pandemic Not Enough to Halt Construction at UCSD
Cafe Ventana’s food reportedly tastes the same even with nuclear waste mixed in.Photo by Sharon Roth In light of the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, UCSD has made …
Top Ten Things You Almost Forgot About in 2020
Top 10 Things You Almost Forgot About in 2020 The sensation of a lover’s caress The Alamo The apocalyptic boom of a HydroFlask hitting the floor …
Top Ten Ways to Ascend
Top Ten Ways to Ascend Unlock repressed childhood trauma Put on a sweater fresh from the dryer Consume the elusive 3% milk Push every door marked …
Top Ten Forbidden Dining Hall Meals
Top Ten Forbidden Dining Hall Meals Chicken tendrils The Pines Cockroach Salad™ Cough Drop Gushers The ready-to-eat sushi sold at the markets Chocolate cupcake with garlic …
If 2020 Fucked Everyone, Then How Come I’m Still A Virgin?
By Trenton Toland Freshman Incel When I heard the Fox News Financial Analyst say “2020 fucked everyone,” my initial thought was, “Sweet! Now I don’t have …
Top Ten Ways to Make Sure Your Vote Gets Counted
Top Ten Ways to Make Sure Your Vote Gets Counted Vote several times just to make sure Ask very nicely Show up in person with no …
Former “Gifted” Student No Longer “a Pleasure to Have in Class”
“Sometimes I feel like I peaked in preschool,” lamented Livens.Photo by Sharon Roth In first grade, Amanda Livens was reportedly labeled a “talented and gifted” student. 12 …
Even I, A Poli Sci Major, Have No Idea What the Fuck is Going On
By Jeremy Rossi Fourth-year Poli Sci Student Oftentimes my friends come to me for my hot takes on current events. And who could blame them? As …
