Volume 27
New Research on Whale Sharks Revealed to be “Gentile Gentle Giants”
After praying to the golden calf, the whale sharks were seen engaging in whole-hog BBQ.Photo by Sharon Roth Researchers at UCSD’s Scripps Institute of Oceanography have made …
Local Woman Rage Quits Over Van Incident
Local Woman Rage Quits Over Van Incident This past weekend, local congresswoman Chessy Bengal held a rally for the upcoming election in hopes to secure a …
Senator Binks Resigns
Embroiled in sex scandal
Denny’s Twitter Account Granted Human Rights
The ruling has redefined what it means to be human, causing many to have “eggsistential crises.”Photo by Sharon Roth The landmark Supreme Court ruling ‘Denny’s v. Thomas’ …
“World’s Best Grandma” Card Written in 2007 Still Holds Up
“World’s Best Grandma” Card Written in 2007 Still Holds Up In 2007, Meghan Cax, who was six years old at the time, wrote a card for …
Favorite Children’s Book Author Revealed to be Objectively Horrible Person
“Who knew that the man who conceived a world where native Oompa-Loompas are taken from their homes to serve a white businessman was actually racist?” exclaimed …
Tom & Jerry’s Ice Cream Introduces New Flavor: Cheese
Tom & Jerry’s Ice Cream Introduces New Flavor: Cheese The beloved ice cream brand Tom & Jerry’s, based off the cartoon series by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, recently introduced …
Revelle and Roosevelt Colleges to be Merged, Number of GE Requirements Doubled
“At least I don’t have to worry about finding a job for the next six years,” one student said.Photo by Jack Yang Last Tuesday, during a brief …
Local Friendship Ecosystem Endangered by Overfishing for Compliments
Local Friendship Ecosystem Endangered by Overfishing for Compliments Tensions between best friends Lacey Clegg and Katrina Hernandez reached a boiling point this Sunday after Clegg failed …
Area Woman Living Alone With Three Cats Insists: “I’m Fine!”
“Do we live just to die?” asked Monroe. “Meow,” said her cat.Photo by Sharon Roth The quarantining caused by the COVID-19 pandemic has stretched on for over …
