Volume 27 Issue 2
Tom & Jerry’s Ice Cream Introduces New Flavor: Cheese
Tom & Jerry’s Ice Cream Introduces New Flavor: Cheese The beloved ice cream brand Tom & Jerry’s, based off the cartoon series by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, recently introduced …
Revelle and Roosevelt Colleges to be Merged, Number of GE Requirements Doubled
“At least I don’t have to worry about finding a job for the next six years,” one student said.Photo by Jack Yang Last Tuesday, during a brief …
Local Friendship Ecosystem Endangered by Overfishing for Compliments
Local Friendship Ecosystem Endangered by Overfishing for Compliments Tensions between best friends Lacey Clegg and Katrina Hernandez reached a boiling point this Sunday after Clegg failed …
Area Woman Living Alone With Three Cats Insists: “I’m Fine!”
“Do we live just to die?” asked Monroe. “Meow,” said her cat.Photo by Sharon Roth The quarantining caused by the COVID-19 pandemic has stretched on for over …
Leftist Suffers Brain Damage Seeing “More Lib Shit On Twitter”
Leftist Suffers Brain Damage Seeing “More Lib Shit On Twitter” Twitter user @GayRevolverOcelot tweeted that they committed themselves to the local clinic, claiming they suffered brain …
Pandemic Not Enough to Halt Construction at UCSD
Cafe Ventana’s food reportedly tastes the same even with nuclear waste mixed in.Photo by Sharon Roth In light of the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, UCSD has made …
Top Ten Things You Almost Forgot About in 2020
Top 10 Things You Almost Forgot About in 2020 The sensation of a lover’s caress The Alamo The apocalyptic boom of a HydroFlask hitting the floor …
Top Ten Ways to Ascend
Top Ten Ways to Ascend Unlock repressed childhood trauma Put on a sweater fresh from the dryer Consume the elusive 3% milk Push every door marked …
Top Ten Forbidden Dining Hall Meals
Top Ten Forbidden Dining Hall Meals Chicken tendrils The Pines Cockroach Salad™ Cough Drop Gushers The ready-to-eat sushi sold at the markets Chocolate cupcake with garlic …
If 2020 Fucked Everyone, Then How Come I’m Still A Virgin?
By Trenton Toland Freshman Incel When I heard the Fox News Financial Analyst say “2020 fucked everyone,” my initial thought was, “Sweet! Now I don’t have …
