Volume 26
Local Man Can’t Understand Why He Can’t Bring up Gore at the Dinner Table
After performing his “sausage as noose” routine for the fourth night in a row, Jason Roth reportedly told his disapproving mother, “What do you mean mom? …
UCSD Student Proposes $300 AirPod "Earrings"
Following the release of the product, both ear infection rates and the model’s Instagram follower count reportedly skyrocketed.Photo by Sharon Roth Reports find that Apple’s wireless earbuds …
Top Ten Things Your Mom Was Right About All Along
Top Ten Things Your Mom Was Right About All Along You really did need that jacket That boy was up to no good You are just …
Disney Confirms Elsa is Not a Lesbian, But Sven is a Furry
Disney executives have reportedly confirmed that Elsa will be introduced to a new female “best friend roommate” for “Frozen 3.”Photo by Jack Yang Amidst rumors about Queen …
Life Revealed to be an Elaborate Game of Mad Libs Played by the Gods
“Oh, this ought to be a good one,” said Tian Gong, looking at the line: “Jesus was __ (Race).”Photo by Jack Yang In a booming announcement from …
Groundhog Day Inner Circle Reveals Punxsutawney Phil as “Treacherous Warhawk”
Rumor has it Punxsutawney Phil grows stronger every time someone misspells his name.Photo by Sharon Roth Only a few days after he declared an early spring, serious …
Local Charmin Ultra Soft Bear Household Stocked With Strong Toilet Paper, Charmin Bear Child Found Passed Out in Bathroom
“Maybe we should just switch to wet wipes,” commented Ultrasoft Charmin Bear Mom.Photo by Sharon Roth Various bathrooms in the house of a Charmin Ultra Soft bear …
