Volume 24 Issue 2


Area Woman Sure She Doesn’t Want Crate & Barrel Card, Veteran Store Associate Disagrees

Written by: Stephen Lightfoot

Area woman Lily Petersen was shocked and disgusted when she was encouraged to apply for an in-store credit card at her local Crate & Barrel. “I’m …


Local Furry Uses Halloween to Avoid Judgement

Written by: Rhys Shriver

Recently, sophomore student Jane Doe has announced her plan to dress up as a tiger this Halloween, confurming her friends’ suspicions and shocking the general populace. …


Escaped Grad Student Found Grading Homework in APM Basement

Written by: Matt Olson

The UCSD Police Department recently announced that they have lifted their campus lockdown status, following a 48-hour manhunt to try and track down Antonio Costa, the …


Halloween Party Ruined by Untimely Serial Killer: “This Isn’t the One We Hired”

Written by: Samantha Cane

Halloween weekend for a suburban costume party turned into a literal nightmare when one of the guests committed murder. Initially hired as a costumed stripper, the …


Baskin Robbins Accidentally Creates 32nd Flavor, Immediately Destroys It

Written by: Sage Cristal

The internet is buzzing after the Baskin Robbins CEO, Nigel Travis, confirmed the momentary existence of a 32nd ice cream flavor. Travis alerted reporters Sunday evening …