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ArticlesCampusNews

HDH Debuts Caffeinated Breakfasts

Written by: Amit Roth

“Don’t talk to me ’til I’ve had my morning burrito,” said Sixth College student Calvin Herrington.Photo by Ezra Bihis Following the trends of the beverage industry, …

Briefs

Sleeper Agent Refuses to Wake Up

Written by: Sophie Pubb

Intelligence agent handler Sashley Sandler has been struggling to “wake up” Donny Joe, one of the sleeper agents under her jurisdiction. “He ignores me every time …

ArticlesNews

Grocery Stores Now Stocking Organic, Free-Range Bottled Water

Written by: Abby Offenhauser

“Compared to me, all those normal water suckers are low-drated,” said WellWater customer and self-proclaimed “clean girl” Hayleigh Zoomer.Photo by Farhad Taraporevala As of early October, …

ArticlesEditorialOpinion

No, Just Because You Uppercut Me Does Not Mean You’re ‘Punching Up’

Written by: Cole Johnson

Today, one of my dear HUMR 101: Intro to Humor students, who I will call “Jimmy,” came into my office, wound up his fist, and uppercutted …

Top Ten

ArticlesLocalNews

Local Police to Enact New Recruitment Strategy

Written by: Victoria Ta

“I hear that somewhere during the course, they handcuff you,” said one interested studentwho chose to remain anonymous.Photo by Amit Roth In November 2020, voters unanimously …

Back PageFeatures

The MQ’s Black Friday Plan

Written by: The MQ

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ArticlesNewsTech

Microsoft Introduces Windows Remote Defender

Written by: Gavriel Feria

Recent reports claim that federal politicians are “freaking the fuck out.”Photo by Jordan Whitlow In the release notes for the upcoming version 25H1 of Windows 11, …

Center SpreadFeatures

UCSD’s All-New Streaming Service, TritonLink+

Written by: The MQ

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ArticlesEditorialOpinion

My ‘Winter Alpha Arc’ Was Found to Just Be Depression

Written by: Elizabeth Becker

I’ve been on something of a self-improvement journey as of late. It all started when I was doing my daily doomscrolling, and I came across a …