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Skyboxes

Funeral Held for Dead Fish

Written by: The MQ

The service was shitty

ArticlesCampusNewsTech

New Research on Whale Sharks Revealed to be “Gentile Gentle Giants”

Written by: Max Fine

After praying to the golden calf, the whale sharks were seen engaging in whole-hog BBQ.Photo by Sharon Roth Researchers at UCSD’s Scripps Institute of Oceanography have made …

Briefs

Local Woman Rage Quits Over Van Incident

Written by: Dan Kaliblotzky

Local Woman Rage Quits Over Van Incident This past weekend, local congresswoman Chessy Bengal held a rally for the upcoming election in hopes to secure a …

Skyboxes

Senator Binks Resigns

Written by: The MQ

Embroiled in sex scandal

ArticlesLocalNewsPolitics

Denny’s Twitter Account Granted Human Rights

Written by: Sharon Roth

The ruling has redefined what it means to be human, causing many to have “eggsistential crises.”Photo by Sharon Roth The landmark Supreme Court ruling ‘Denny’s v. Thomas’ …

Briefs

“World’s Best Grandma” Card Written in 2007 Still Holds Up

Written by: Megan Cox

“World’s Best Grandma” Card Written in 2007 Still Holds Up In 2007, Meghan Cax, who was six years old at the time, wrote a card for …

Sunday Comics

New Super Political Compass U

Written by: Kaz Nuckowski and Andrew Sitko

Did you know Goomba was a closeted Republican? I sure didn’t. Come check out where your favorite Mario characters lie on the political spectrum.

Center SpreadFeatures

The MQ Secedes From the Union

Written by: The MQ

We the People of the United Satire of the MQ (aka Munited Qates aka Mew Qealand aka Mouth Qorea aka MadaQascar aka MonQolia), in order to form a more perfect punchline, establish humor and ensure mocking hilarity, provide for the common reader, promote the general laughter and ensure the blessings of newspaper

Sunday Comics

What Should Have Happened

Written by: Hanaa Moosavi, Ram Sivapalan and Bri Arce

What Should Have Happened?!! By Hanaa Moosavi, Ram Sivapalan, & Bri Arce