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Top Ten Forbidden Dining Hall Meals
Top Ten Forbidden Dining Hall Meals Chicken tendrils The Pines Cockroach Salad™ Cough Drop Gushers The ready-to-eat sushi sold at the markets Chocolate cupcake with garlic …
If 2020 Fucked Everyone, Then How Come I’m Still A Virgin?
By Trenton Toland Freshman Incel When I heard the Fox News Financial Analyst say “2020 fucked everyone,” my initial thought was, “Sweet! Now I don’t have …
Top Ten Ways to Make Sure Your Vote Gets Counted
Top Ten Ways to Make Sure Your Vote Gets Counted Vote several times just to make sure Ask very nicely Show up in person with no …
Former “Gifted” Student No Longer “a Pleasure to Have in Class”
“Sometimes I feel like I peaked in preschool,” lamented Livens.Photo by Sharon Roth In first grade, Amanda Livens was reportedly labeled a “talented and gifted” student. 12 …
Even I, A Poli Sci Major, Have No Idea What the Fuck is Going On
By Jeremy Rossi Fourth-year Poli Sci Student Oftentimes my friends come to me for my hot takes on current events. And who could blame them? As …
The MQ Secedes From the Union
We the People of the United Satire of the MQ (aka Munited Qates aka Mew Qealand aka Mouth Qorea aka MadaQascar aka MonQolia), in order to form a more perfect punchline, establish humor and ensure mocking hilarity, provide for the common reader, promote the general laughter and ensure the blessings of newspaper
New Super Political Compass U
Did you know Goomba was a closeted Republican? I sure didn’t. Come check out where your favorite Mario characters lie on the political spectrum.
What Should Have Happened
What Should Have Happened?!! By Hanaa Moosavi, Ram Sivapalan, & Bri Arce
