10. You stole his identity
9. You stopped sending him birthday money
8. Nobody calls anymore, maybe you should text him instead
7. He used his “phone a friend” on you, but you disappointed him
6. Uncle Sam got mad at you for draft-dodging
5. You drank his good beer
4. He’s with the cool kids now, don’t ruin this for him
3. He found out you’re wearing a wire
2. You accidentally called him “Dad” during your last reunion and things are awkward now
1. He lost his phone