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  1. Leave a dead bird on their doorstep
  2. Give them your Netflix password
  3. Strategically withhold all showings of affection
  4. Find them a pretty rock that “made you think of them”
  5. Let them be player one
  6. Buy two grave plots right next to each other so you can hold hands in death
  7. Only partially crop them out of your profile picture on Facebook
  8. Use their toothbrush so they can grow accustomed to the taste of your mouth
  9. Turn on read receipts
  10. Pay for their therapy

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