- Leave a dead bird on their doorstep
- Give them your Netflix password
- Strategically withhold all showings of affection
- Find them a pretty rock that “made you think of them”
- Let them be player one
- Buy two grave plots right next to each other so you can hold hands in death
- Only partially crop them out of your profile picture on Facebook
- Use their toothbrush so they can grow accustomed to the taste of your mouth
- Turn on read receipts
- Pay for their therapy
Last modified: January 15, 2019
