Top Ten
Top Ten Reasons to Start Smoking
To prove anti-smoking advertising doesn’t work on you Injecting is getting old To get that raspy and gravelly singing voice you need in the country music …
Top Fifteen Ways That Cavemen Were Better than Us
Tinder was important for a different reason They could afford a cave They didn’t use “Neanderthal” as an insult They got to watch “The Flintstones” live …
Top Ten: Ways to Tell If Your Roommate Is in the Mafia
Your room is filled with decapitated horse bodies Their solution to most problems is “I know a guy” Their pasta comes out perfect every time They …
Top Fifteen Similarities Between an Art Gallery and a Truck Stop Glory Hole
“Anybody could do that” People pay $9.99 a month to look at shit You’ve always dreamed of getting jerked off by a stranger there The really …
Top Ten Ways to Make This Unpaid Internship Worthwhile
Finally earn that second accented “e” in resume Learn how to stalk people on LinkedIn Steal Post-It notes and paper clips and fashion them into a …
Top Ten Things that Should Replace Obamacare
The Affordable Care Act A lottery to see who gets to live Funding for music and the arts. Ha! As if Capitalism Starting to vaccinate your …
Top Ten Goals Obama Has for His Last Month in Office
Upgrade Obamacare to Super-Mega-Obamacare Take all the copper out of the walls Play “Mad World” through every room speaker as he touches every curtain Install that …
Top Ten Things that Will Happen If California Secedes
UC Riverside’s national ranking will rise exponentially Nevada will finally get the coastline it has always wanted We’ll get to use the metric system like normal …
Top Ten Similarities Between Babies and Cinnamon Rolls
“I have one in the oven” Just kind of a messy ordeal If left alone long enough, both will grow hair Generally do better if paler …
Top Ten Reasons to Cut Down More Trees
It’s currently too easy to breathe To spruce up your dorm room Where else is Seventh College going to go? Because no one heard you the …
