You spent a majority of the time being hopelessly lost Someone keeps playing “Who Let the Dogs Out?” and it stopped being funny hours ago Parking …

Driving five over the speed limit Purposefully stepping on cracks Avoiding having to call your grandparents Competitive sleeping Going outside with wet hair Embezzlement Tightrope walking …

Dim lighting will hide all of your flaws Your cat won’t have any excuse to ignore you Everyone knows that night school is night cool You …

To prove anti-smoking advertising doesn’t work on you Injecting is getting old To get that raspy and gravelly singing voice you need in the country music …

Tinder was important for a different reason They could afford a cave They didn’t use “Neanderthal” as an insult They got to watch “The Flintstones” live …

Your room is filled with decapitated horse bodies Their solution to most problems is “I know a guy” Their pasta comes out perfect every time They …

“Anybody could do that” People pay $9.99 a month to look at shit You’ve always dreamed of getting jerked off by a stranger there The really …

Finally earn that second accented “e” in resume Learn how to stalk people on LinkedIn Steal Post-It notes and paper clips and fashion them into a …

The Affordable Care Act A lottery to see who gets to live Funding for music and the arts. Ha! As if Capitalism Starting to vaccinate your …

Upgrade Obamacare to Super-Mega-Obamacare Take all the copper out of the walls Play “Mad World” through every room speaker as he touches every curtain Install that …