Top Ten
Top Fifteen Little Known Things Jesus Said While Ascending to Heaven
1. I mean, I guess this beats crucifixion
2. Wow I definitely thought I was going to Hell
3. Beam me up, Scotty
4. Wait until my father hears about this
5. Please don’t whitewash me in future paintings
6. Oh no, not again
7. Please don’t yell my name when you’re having sex
8. No one look up my robe
9. Jesus OUT
10. Haha, these losers think I’m returning
11. It’s Jesus, bitch
12. I left a million dollars in the …
13. Jesus Fucking Christ
14. Whatever you do, don’t start a religion based on me
15. God is a woman
Top Ten Regrets You Had at That All You Can Eat Buffet
The cashier wouldn’t ring you up for a kid’s apple juice Not realizing that “all-you-can eat” didn’t mean that everything was edible Starting a riot when …
Top Ten Reasons You’re No Longer Friends with Jim After the Super Bowl Party
He stole your seat He came dressed to support his favorite team: the refs He filled all the kegs with NyQuil He fired his gun into …
Top Ten Similarities Between Cramming for a Test and Preparing for Nuclear Fallout
If you’re not dead afterwards, you’ll wish you were No matter how much you study, it’s not going to change the outcome You haven’t eaten in …
Top Ten Similarities Between Your Funeral and Your Wedding
“I’m just here for the open bar” There’s always that one jealous friend who one-ups you and announces theirs in a few months It feels like …
Top Ten Reasons You Should Always Carry an Incredibly Sharp Pair of Scissors
Top Ten Reasons You Should Always Carry an Incredibly Sharp Pair of Scissors Swallowing swords has gotten way too easy for you Taking your shirt off …
Top Ten Reasons You’re Not Wearing Pants
They clash with your underwear You didn’t have any cash, and the only other currency that that goblin took was denim You’re a magician and you …
Top Ten Similarities between Jury Duty and Microwaving a Three-Day-Old Burrito
Top Ten Similarities between Jury Duty and Microwaving a Three-Day-Old Burrito Your parents warned you that you’d have to do it eventually, but you never believed …
