Articles
Californians Forced to Choose Between Water and Food, Almonds Win
In a historic referendum late last month, Californians decided that they would rather try to survive without water than go without food. Governor Jerry Brown put …
Catholics Postpone St. Patrick’s Day until after Lent, Plan to Get Drunk Guilt-Free
For the first time in history, the Vatican has selected to change the date of this year’s St. Patrick’s Day from March 17 to March 28, …
LAPD Officers Arrested in LAPD Drug Bust on LAPD Cocaine Stronghold
An enormous drug bust carried out by local authorities in a San Bernadino suburb Monday morning resulted in the seizure of millions of dollars’ worth of …
Badass First Year Skips First Discussion Section of His College Career
When first-year UCSD student David Jones finally found the courage to skip his 8 a.m. Math 10A discussion section last Monday at Warren Lecture Hall, he …
Far Right Calls for End to Annual Migration of Monarch Butterflies
The presidential campaign took yet another interesting turn late last month, as a far-right political party called for a press conference to demand a stop to …
Area Man Recycles, Saves Planet
The eyes of the world were focused on San Diego today, as area man Chase Baron officially saved the planet by recycling his 12-oz can of …
Woman Confused Why There’s a Reporter at Her Door
San Diego resident Claudia Barsetti reportedly answered her door early Tuesday afternoon in a state of confusion to find a newspaper reporter asking her questions about …
New Hazard Labels Required for Women in STEM to Ensure Proper Handling
A new line of women’s lab coats equipped with mandatory hazard labels has been issued, free of charge, to all scientific research institutions across the nation …
Student Forgets to Set Alarm Before 15-Minute Power Nap, Sleeps for a Week
In an unfortunate but unsurprising turn of events earlier this Winter Quarter, a UCSD undergraduate found himself living many college students’ worst nightmare: accidentally sleeping through …
Local Insult Comic Paralyzed by Perception of Self
A long string of past experiences and subjectively-derived truths had already determined the outcomes of the most recent performance of the Silicon Valley based insult comic …
