Daniel Clinton
Trump Uses Phone-a-Friend Option Sooner than Expected
Donald Trump was reportedly “on edge” from recent connections drawn between his administration and Russia, an unprecedented move which led to Trump using his Phone-a-Friend option. …
Local Man Almost Gets Job, Dog in Suit Hired Instead
Local man Terry Chien was interviewing for the position of Account Manager at DoorStops International when he was passed over in favor of a golden retriever …
New Study Finds Three Cats is Too Many Cats
A recent study from the Cat Relations department at the University of California, San Diego found that three cats is too many cats. The study was …
Area Man Finds Key to Happiness in Meditation, Two Kilos of Cocaine
Area man Marcos Stoffer was in his apartment late Monday night when he had a breakthrough in his life-long search for the key to true happiness. …
Time Machine Invented, Future Just as Boring as Present
The European Organization for Nuclear Research, known as CERN, performed the first successful time jump in a manned craft at 10:04 p.m. last Saturday. Head researcher …
Police Brutality Talks Derailed by Fanatic Patriots
Police brutality activist Jasmine Porcin held a press conference Friday on the rise of police brutality reports filed towards the San Diego Police Department. Porcin discussed …
Bacon Found to Cause Cancer, South Secedes
In a recent controversiaI decision, a panel of experts ruled that eating processed meats such as bacon raises one’s risk of developing cancer. As the announcement …
