Newborn Baby is Given 50-Word First Name


Written by: Dan Kaliblotzky

A baby born yesterday in Mayersville, Mississippi has been given an unprecedented 50-word name, Mary Anne Sue Beth Patsy Bertha Patty Debra Gertrude Sue Rachel Emily Annasue Bethanne Patsy-Beth Adelaide Clarabelle Daisy Caroline Fluffy Sparkles Sparklez Destiny Spot Peanutbutter Satan Hellfire Blood Hellraker Emily Watermelon Strawberry Hope Grace Mary Faith Charity Joy Pope XXV Taylor Beyonce Britney Mariah Baby Sporty Ginger Posh Scary Annabelle Johnson.

Her parents, Mary Sue Patty Patricia Emma Belle and Bob Johnson, are very satisfied with their name choice. “It holds a lot of meaning to us,” said
Mrs. Johnson.

“It contains the names of every recorded female family member in my family since we arrived in the United States, even some of the pets. Except for Martha Jackson, that bitch needed to be ostracized from the family after she married a Black man back in 1940.

“There’s a lot of our history in it. We considered leaving out our hippie period, but it’s just another part and we’ve grown to accept it.”

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Dan Kaliblotzky is a fourth-year at UCSD. He aspires to find a career in soulful heavy metal Phineas and Ferb covers.

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