Volume 25
Canyon Vista Dining Hall to Close After Health Inspection
UC San Diego Housing, Dining and Hospitality (HDH) announced Tuesday that the Canyon Vista dining hall will close on March 23 after failing its first outside …
Leprechaun’s “Pot of gold” discovered to be new strain of weed
A group of leprechaun hunters recently stumbled upon a new strain of marijuana while attempting to find a pot of gold at the end of a …
Trump Space Force Returns From Reconnaissance Mission, Reveals That Space Is “Just Like Halo”
A recon team from the Trump administration’s Space Force sent to explore the universe in mid-2018 has finally returned from their mission outside the solar system. …
Persephone Refuses to Leave Underworld Due to Climate Change Denial
The polar vortex that affected the midwestern United States has caused many politicians to further their belief that “climate change is nothing but a hoax.” An …
New Hotel “The Last Resort” Disappoints
Dear faithful readers, nothing’s alright. Nothing is fine. I can’t go on living this way. This last weekend has really tested me. Downward spiral. Where do …
Navy SEALs Replaced With Actual Seals Due to Government Shutdown
Amid the political quagmire of the longest government shutdown in U.S. history, President Trump issued Executive Order 7683, which will begin a rebranding campaign aimed at …
