Editorial
I Will Never Write an Editorial
When I was three years old my family took a vow of silence. My father refused to further pollute the marketplace of ideas with our half-baked …
I Can’t Wait For the Free and Fair 2026 Elections!
You’ve seen it, I’ve seen it, we’ve all seen it. That little orange thing that’s been all over the news lately. Such a dumb person in …
Take a Break or I’ll Take You Out
I get it: life is hard. But I swear to God I am going to get you if you keep making me feel like shit all …
All I Do Is Talk, Because Nobody Listens
Every day I set up at another table at another college with another microphone and another stack of white hats. But these days, I never seem …
How The Sunshine Market Renovation Ruined My Life
Scene: It’s the first day of Spring Quarter, and I’m walking through Price Center. I am unbothered, serene even, as I dodge the usual lunchtime swarm …
My Boss Killed Me in a Past Life – Here’s How I’m Leveraging That in My Career
They say eyes are the window to the soul. And much like a house, when you look through those windows into someone’s soul, you might see …
It’s Really Hard Being The Little Stinker of American Law
Listen, in my heart, fundamentally, I’m just a chill guy, you know? I went to Yale, sure, but not in a lame, pretentious way, only because …
Wait, You Guys Already Had Your Enrollment Times?
So, here’s the issue. I was under the impression that class enrollment just hadn’t happened for anyone yet. Because when enrollment times came out and WebReg …
Dating My Campus Crush Went Wrong?
It all started the first week of school when I went to a “First-Years in Seventh from the Northeast Part of Akron, Ohio” mixer. I saw …
What Are You Gonna Do? Not Use It?
That’s right. It’s me. You know of me, you’ve lamented me, you’ve cursed me, you’ve wept for me, I’m certain of it. Nevertheless, I’m the only …
