Lawrence Lee
California Union Union Members Go On Strike, Halting California Union Strikes
The California Union Union, the largest California professional “union union,” which protects union union members working in unions, went on strike Friday, effectively ceasing most of …
Amateur Acupuncturists Under Fire for Unknowingly Administering Vaccines
The California-based A.A.A.A.A.A. (Association of Amateur Acupuncturists and Alternative Ailment Alleviators) announced that over the past year, some of its members had accidentally administered vaccines to …
Bounty Hunter to Choose Between Love for money, Target
Local bounty hunter Leland Chappy set out to arrest Areana Slony to obtain a 45,000 dollar commission but unexpectedly found himself conflicted over his newfound love …
Aspiring Achievers Cofounder Falls Short of Clinching Treasurer Position in Club Elections
Third year undergraduate Jane Footick stormed out of Aspiring Achievers’ third GBM of spring quarter where, despite her significant prior sacrifices that brought the organization to …
Local Band Pretty Sure Minute 11 of The Solo Is When It Gets Really Good
Local band Flandering Ferret took the stage at Panderer’s Pub in Midtown at 7:30 p.m. on Wednesday, performing their instrumental single “Cherry Pickers.” The San Diego-based …
Drug Dealer Has Poor Q4, Will Match Internet Prices
In response to vastly underwhelming profit margins in Q4 2015, Winnie “Whee” Dolores, Lorry Park’s local drug dealer, has announced a new policy of allowing internet …
Area Man Shoots Down Drone, Declares Himself King of the Skies, Ruler of the Four Winds
After shooting down a neighbor’s drone hovering 25 feet above the ground in his front yard, local electrician and recreational firearm enthusiast Boris Knotwood leveraged his …
Disgruntled Tour Guide Leads Group Up Peterson Hill
In an ongoing campus tour, third-year undergraduate tour guide Irene Montani led her 24-person tour group up the entirety of Peterson Hill in frustration at her …
