The MQ
Penis Cakes
Point: I’m Really Getting Tired of Penis Cakes at Bachelorette Parties Look here, lady. I’ve seen penis cakes before. I’ve been to so many bachelorette parties …
Liberals Call for ‘Full Commitment’ in National Celebration of Ides of March
During such political and social turmoil, many liberals are appealing to classical works and traditions in order to find peace and purpose. This year, liberal leadership …
Frederick Douglass Continues to Elude Trump Administration
In the past week, a news leak from the White House has shown that the Trump administration reportedly attempted to bring in Frederick Douglass to speak …
Local Recruiter Finds Straight White Candidate “Just More Approachable”
Christian Witten, the managing director of New Breath Consultants, announced Monday that they’ve hired a new creative liaison, Daisy Mitchell, who they are certain will “fit …
In Response to My Critics, as Wrong as a Toothbrush in a Bathroom
It is the apparent opinion of Mr. James Dickenson that, while my last novel “Crying in the Parking Lot of a Burger King,” sequel to the …
Lana Del Rey Revealed to be “Witch Queen” after Casting Binding Spell on Trump
Grammy-nominated pop singer Lana Del Rey, after participating in the world wide witches’ binding spell against President Donald Trump, has revealed her True Form as the …
Inflation Will Render Cheap Puns Unaffordable for the Bourgeois, Economists Say
After evaluating the national economy last week, economists identified the most recent commodity to fall prey to the ravages of inflation: cheap puns. The rise in …
Local Student Yells Into Echo Chamber, Feels Better About Future of America
Local student Garry Vikati was concerned about the future of America, until he was finally able to yell into an echo chamber this past week. Vikati …
Top Ten Reasons to Start Smoking
To prove anti-smoking advertising doesn’t work on you Injecting is getting old To get that raspy and gravelly singing voice you need in the country music …
Top Fifteen Ways That Cavemen Were Better than Us
Tinder was important for a different reason They could afford a cave They didn’t use “Neanderthal” as an insult They got to watch “The Flintstones” live …
