Volume 30 Issue 5
UCSD Announces Nocturnal Enrollment
Chancellor Pradeep Khosla announced Nocturnal Enrollment, UC San Diego’s latest plan to increase enrollment. This new program, set to begin during the 2024–2025 academic year, will …
Carlton’s Column for Clowns, Jesters, and Fools
I get it, it’s easy to hate being a clown. We make people happy, until we don’t. We’re too much, too scary, too garish. We disrupt …
Last S Spot Declared UNESCO World Heritage Site
“What the hell did the S even stand for?!” said Chancellor Khosla.Photo by Jordan Whitlow Over the course of the last school year, the university’s Parking …
Biblical Scholar Bakes Angel Food Cake
Ruins birthday party
Neuralink Announces Amygdala Removal Surgery
“The NARC chip has a dual benefit of alerting the authorities every time someone thinks about using opiates,” said Alma Bowls.Photo by Julia Wong With Neuralink’s …
Teamwork
Makes the cream work
Why I Think Leprechauns Aren’t Real
That dreaded time of year is now almost upon us. My first-grade class will soon insist on catching a leprechaun in time for St. Patrick’s Day. …
US Military Tours Homeless Encampments for Career Exploration
This is an interesting conundrum,” said a member of the middle class. “I respect the troops, but I hate the homeless.”Photo by Jordan Whitlow This past …
