Volume 30 Issue 3
LaCroix Announces New Boxing Day Hotdog Eating Competition
“The hotdog buns taste so much better now,” said Jack Peanut. “It makes me want to LaCry.”Photo by Julia Wong I n the company’s latest advertising …
Every Time a College is Opened, a Provost Gains its Wings
With the opening of Eighth College this year and the anticipated opening of more in the near future, upwards mobility in the provost job market is …
Dining Hall Workers Can’t Serve for Shit vs. We Serve Cunt
POINT: Dining Hall Workers Can’t Serve for Shit Is it so bad to want for more in life? Is it such a sin to want the …
UCSD Begs Students to Have More Sex
“I can’t believe our virginity rate is even higher than our acceptance rate!” said Dill Doe.Photo by Julia Wong Since its establishment, UC San Diego has …
I Give Up — The Next Global Disaster Will Be Too Weird to Predict
A decade of unprecedentedly unprecedented times, whatever people are calling it, has put me out of business. If you asked me a decade ago where we’d …
You Are Not Snow White vs Tell That to These Fucking Ravens
POINT: You Are Not Snow White Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I practice the tradition of frolicking through Eucalyptus Grove and serenading my entourage of forest …
Frasier Reboot Meets Expectations
“No man, woman, or child is going to be able to call me a fake Frasier fan,” said Kilometers.Photo by Amit Roth The first two episodes …
It Takes Forever to Get Anywhere Because of the Construction vs. In My Day, We Walked Uphill Both Ways
Armed with a summer’s worth of marathon training, enough protein powder to sustain a small village, and the willpower of a proper American imperialist ready to …
