Politics
Recess Canceled After Polarizing Mud-Slinging Fight
Vernon Elementary School recess was halted abruptly this Tuesday, and is suspended until further notice, after a series of impassioned outbursts and an extensive mud fight …
Aspiring Achievers Cofounder Falls Short of Clinching Treasurer Position in Club Elections
Third year undergraduate Jane Footick stormed out of Aspiring Achievers’ third GBM of spring quarter where, despite her significant prior sacrifices that brought the organization to …
Lin-Manuel Miranda Wins Nobel Prize, Puerto Rican Gubernatorial Office
Lin-Manuel Miranda, “Hamilton” playwright and star, has won both a Nobel Prize and the office of Governor of Puerto Rico last Tuesday, in addition to being …
Far Right Calls for End to Annual Migration of Monarch Butterflies
The presidential campaign took yet another interesting turn late last month, as a far-right political party called for a press conference to demand a stop to …
Political Conversations Revealed as Finite Resource, to Be Depleted by Mid-2017
A recent study concluded that discussion topics and information about the 2016 election available to the general public are decreasing at an alarming rate, and if …
Congress Shortens Women’s History Month to 78 Percent of Previous Length
Late last month, Congress passed a bill intended to shorten March, Women’s History Month, to 78 percent of its typical length in order to better reflect …
Hillary Clinton Appears on “Sesame Street” to Appeal to the Youth
To combat the political pressure from the growing support of the Bernie Sanders campaign, presidential candidate Hillary Clinton made a recent guest appearance on the children’s …
Rock the Vote Launches Bipartisan Smear Campaign
Rock The Vote recently released a series of violent attack ads against both left- and right-winged frontrunner presidential candidates, targeting everything from their moral platforms, personal …
Greece Leaves E.U. to Return to Original Currency: Goats
In order to escape economic hardship, Greece has decided to move away from conventional currencies by implementing a new monetary exchange system last Thursday. Greek officials …
Jeb Bush Mourns Loss of Innocence, Campaign Slogan
Office manager Selena Chavez confirmed just minutes ago that presidential candidate Jeb Bush was once again in the middle of another “mood,” which she described as …
