Madeline Mozafari
Pluto Violates Subscription Terms, Loses Planetary Status
“They ripped me off,” said Jupiter. “I paid for a whole year’s subscription, but they only gave me 365 days.”Photo by Julia Wong When Pluto first …
UC San Diego Bans Sale of Caffeinated Beverages
“Caffeine is technically a drug,” noted one police officer. “That means it should be illegal.”Photo by Amit Roth Citing a new study by Dr. Walter Jolt-a-Lot, …
Organic Chemistry Is Made Up
I simply cannot do it anymore. I cannot suspend my belief in the way of the world and pretend that I understand what the hell an …
Local Student Stops Getting Gas, Car Still Runs “Just Fine”
Sophie Pubb, a third-year math major at UCSD, reportedly stopped filling the gas tank of her 1999 Honda Civic after two weeks of back-to-back midterms at …
Horoscopes for February 8, 2023
Aquarius – Jan. 20 – Feb. 18 Happy Aquarius season! This month, your power-ups include finding pennies on the ground, never pulling a muscle at the …
Starbucks’ Holiday Cups Cost Extra This Year
After years of Novemberly outrage about Starbucks’ holiday red cups, the coffee company has elected to make the controversial cups an add-on to their drinks instead …
Student Fakes Her Own Death to Avoid Jury Duty
“RIP, and by that I mean rest in perjury,” said an anonymous student.Photo by Maria Dhilla After hearing the news that her roommate Ayla Burton passed …
British Currency Depicts Prince William Instead of King Charles III
British Currency Depicts Prince William Instead of King Charles III After the death of Queen Elizabeth II, citizens of the United Kingdom were concerned that they …
Scarecrows to Be Used to Alleviate Teacher Shortage
“It is such an honor to be taught by someone who won the Fields Medal in computational agriculture,” commented Ayla.Photo by Maria Dhilla In San Diego …
For Local Frog, “It Ain’t Easy Being Green”
Listen. Listen! Lean in here. All the way down, buddy. You see where I live? This absolutely gorgeous miniature log cabin is my home. I live …
