Aniela Drumonde
Stressed Student Creates New Meaning for March Madness
Followers of Perez are looking forward to moving from March Madness to Apollonian April.Photo by Maria Dhilla Fueled by Modafinil and four carefully curated Spotify playlists, fourth-year …
“Dead Man’s Party” Re-Enters US Billboard’s Hot 100s as Biden Presidency Begins
Who could ask for more? Many people did, but this is what we got.Photo by Jack Yang As President Joe Biden, noted as “still alive” by many …
Reagan can Trickle Down on MY Economy
By By Richard Montegomery III Future Millionaire Sometimes it’s hard to be living in America, especially right now because of the whole pandemic thing going on, …
What the Fuck, Guys?
By George Washington Cursed Ghost Hey everyone. It’s me. George Washington. I’ve been haunting America since I died. Apparently, I can’t move on now because people …
Favorite Children’s Book Author Revealed to be Objectively Horrible Person
“Who knew that the man who conceived a world where native Oompa-Loompas are taken from their homes to serve a white businessman was actually racist?” exclaimed …
Local Friendship Ecosystem Endangered by Overfishing for Compliments
Local Friendship Ecosystem Endangered by Overfishing for Compliments Tensions between best friends Lacey Clegg and Katrina Hernandez reached a boiling point this Sunday after Clegg failed …
Instagram Influencer Predicts the Future by Reading Makeup Smears on Face Masks
“The spirits are telling me you haven’t been following me on Instagram. Would you like my handle?” asked Welch.Photo by Stephen Lightfoot In the age of Instagram …
Ringing In Area Woman’s Ears Found to be Tinnitus, not Klaxons Signaling the End of Days
The doctor asked whether payment through mail was okay, to which Jiao responded, “Nothing gets through my chainmail.”Photo by Jack Yang Area woman Sabrina Jiao was shocked …
Girl With Imposter Syndrome Undergoes Startling Transformation
Girl With Imposter Syndrome Undergoes Startling Transformation Alexandra Dumonte awoke last Tuesday morning to find that her face and body had changed “into someone she completely …
