The MQ
Top Ten Similarities Between Babies and Cinnamon Rolls
“I have one in the oven” Just kind of a messy ordeal If left alone long enough, both will grow hair Generally do better if paler …
Top Ten Reasons to Cut Down More Trees
It’s currently too easy to breathe To spruce up your dorm room Where else is Seventh College going to go? Because no one heard you the …
Earth Upset at Trump’s Claim That Climate Change is a Chinese Hoax
Mother Earth recently revealed her thoughts on President-Elect Donald Trump’s claims that climate change is a Chinese conspiracy to make American manufacturing non-competitive. His denialism upset …
Local Dog Wishes Owner Would Stop Looking at Glowing Rectangle and Pet Her
After walking herself to the dog park for the third time this week, local beagle Jennifer Pawrence told reporters that all she wants is for her …
Lesbian Researchers Discover Perfect Milkshake that Brings All the Girls to the Yard
After years of intense research, a newly-published lesbian-sponsored study has finally discovered a milkshake recipe which, in the research team’s own words, “brings all the girls …
UCSD Farmer’s Market Disappoints New Students, Has No Farmers for Sale
On Tuesday, UCSD’s first farmer’s market of the year occurred, leaving many first years saddened, horrified, and betrayed over the lack of farmers for sale. Many …
UCSD Students Continue to Argue They “Wouldn’t Have Gone to UCLA Even If They Got In”
This year has proven to be one of the most competitive years for college applicants, with a record number of applications for all University of California …
New Open Access Research Journal Removes All Publishing Barriers, Standards
Open access journals have revolutionized the publishing of scientific research, partially by speeding the review process, and partially by instructing reviewers to only focus on the …
History Wishes Humanity Would Listen More Carefully, Is Tired of Repeating Itself
A recent study conducted by historians yielded the unprecedented revelation that History would actually rather not keep repeating itself and really wishes humanity would take the …
Point-Counter Point: College Emails
Point: Ask Not What Your College Can Do for You, But What You Can Do for Your College Dear Mr./Mrs. name. Hello! Our records show that …
