“Oh my god, an explosion! I wonder whose job it is to take care of that,” said one officer.
Photo by Dylan Schmidt
Last week, SDPD union representative Johnnifer Tit released an official statement asking the people of San Diego to “please stop being so mean to our city’s peace officers.” The statement followed massive public backlash after several officer misconduct records and body camera footage depicting police brutality against a civilian were leaked to public viewership.
“Our jobs are really hard, and it’s not our fault we make mistakes sometimes. You guys are saying some really mean things and it’s hurting our feelings,” said Tit in a recent press conference. “My dear friends at the SDPD are the most bravest people in the world, but you need to be more considerate or you’ll make them cry.” SDPD commissioner Pamantha Schetfordbranes described the consequences of the leak: “We’ve been dealing with a massive increase in officer-directed violence by civilians. It’s very much hindered our efforts to increase civilian-directed violence by our officers.” Commissioner Schetfordbranes also defended the recent actions of her fellow officers. “I believe those in the SDPD, including those poor victims of bullying by the public, do their bestest to be good officers every day,” she said. “When they fail, we should listen to and empathize with them, not berate them. God, haven’t any of you raised children before?!”
Following this, many SDPD officers have begun using social media to promote positive portrayals of the police. Each post uses the tag #ACAB, which, according to officer Babe Ruthless, stands for “All Cops Are Brave.” Officer Ruthless had been regularly showing support for his fellow officers since the scandal. His posts contain uplifting messages about the role of police in community safety and well-being. “I also wanted to post some camera footage of SDPD officers actually leaving a positive impact on our community,” added Ruthless. “But I couldn’t find any.”
In the weeks following the scandal, the SDPD has made every effort to foreclose the disclosure of any unreleased information related to the affected officers. According to an anonymous tip, SDPD union leaders have shredded unreleased misconduct records, civilian complaints, and incident reports. When asked about rumors that he was deleting related body camera footage, Tit explained, “We just don’t want people to watch us at work — it’s embarrassing! Besides, I’m camera shy. Sometimes, when I know I’m being recorded, I feel really nervous and freeze up. That’s how a lot of innocent civilians manage to get away!”
A week after the scandal, the civilian in the leaked body cam footage was identified as Red Frodgers, a young Black American man. Tit was quick to speak out about Frodgers’ character. “We have it on record that Red Frodgers stole a Snickers bar from a 7-Eleven when he was eight years old. Three years later, he was caught lying to his teachers about his dog having eaten his homework,” said Tit. “This man is a known criminal, and a repeat offender at that. I believe the officers in question were just trying their very best to help when they fearlessly surrounded Frodgers and beat him in self-defense. What a group of real-life superheroes, am I right?”
The three SDPD officers who assaulted Frodgers were put on trial for use of excessive force, but were promptly acquitted on all charges due to a lack of evidence. “After thorough review, I’ve failed to find sufficient evidence to pronounce these heroic peace officers guilty,” said Judge Thompson Jefferson Gilbertson. “Though it appears most of the relevant files had been shredded.”
Frodgers, on the other hand, was convicted of resisting arrest.
