Top Ten Things You Are Probably Doing That Make You a Horrible Person

Top Ten

Written by: The MQ

  1. Microwaving your food
  2. Making any sort of noise in a public place
  3. Taking the second-to-last cookie, initiating the final cookie standoff
  4. Exhaling carbon dioxide and contributing to the eventual heat death of the United States of America
  5. Thinking to yourself that you are having a good day while horrors are being committed all across the world
  6. Driving for 15 minutes instead of taking a perfectly good bus to a trolley to a subway to a bike to a walk for 10 total hours of travel time
  7. Not commenting “yass queen so pretty #slay” on your bestie’s Instagram post
  8. Always saying “I love you too” and never “I love you”
  9. Killing a man to assume his identity
  10. Walking sideways like a crab

The premier satire magazine at UC San Diego.

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