November 1, 2023 Read it and weep profusely. Volume XXX Issue II


Oh the Places You’ll Go! (After You Move Back In with Your Parents)

Written by: Matthew Miltimore

By Matty Milty
Class of 2021 Graduate

As I look out upon my novelty calendar featuring inspirational cat photos, I am reminded that I have not a fortnight before I don my gown and square hat to shake the hand of a school administrator and be pronounced “graduated.” While I am eager to join the ranks of the post-secondarily educated, my excitement now lacks the same rose-colored lenses with which I look at mid-2000s SNL skits or Edgar Wright movies. I once revelled in the imagination of where I would be following my graduation, yet now — as I prepare to be launched from this metaphorical catapult — I know I will not land in a new or exciting place, like New York, San Francisco, Portland, or the Costa Verde Apartment Complex. No. Instead I will land back home, in my parents’ house, in the room I grew up in.

While moving to a city full of exciting people, exciting places, and excitingly high rent prices would be a dream come true, I am nonetheless eager to begin my post-grad life in my pre-grad residence. Sure, living away from home while I completed my studies was marked by a level of freedom and self-reliance that will feel strange to operate without, but what is independence measured against not having to pay for the food in my fridge? I can now enjoy the rich delicacies contained within my parents’ kitchen walls. Exotic foods like unsalted almonds, oatmeal raisin store brand cookies, and the Costco-sized tub of old hummus will find a loving home amongst my taste buds.

Yet I wish not to admonish my parents or their lovely home. I am truly thankful to have their continued love and support. Besides, I am exceedingly confident that I will not be home long, for the job market is ripe with opportunities for the freshly graduated. Whether it be anything from unpaid intern to underpaid intern, I am ready to tear into the delicious flesh that is the fruit of my labor. And while naturally I would love to find a job in the subject I spent years studying, it is remarkable to see the tremendous diversity of fields which await me. I could work in food service, retail, or even food service.

Although I know a fun, fulfilling, and well-paying job awaits me just around the corner, I secretly hope that it doesn’t come too quick. See, I love the chase more than the catch. That is, so long as the chase is updating my LinkedIn and the catch is a temporary, part-time position which requires a commute. Looking for work has been especially fun this year. There is no greater thrill than pairing a waist-up suit and tie with absolutely no pants for a Zoom interview. It makes me feel like a business-formal Pooh Bear.

I am admittedly disappointed to be moving home, but, if all else fails, I can always apply to graduate school. I am told it fixes all my problems.

Staff Writer at The MQ

Flattened in a distro cart accident, the MQ replaced his bones with leftover printer ink. With his increased lank, Matt has become a pivotal writer for the MQ through his fluidity. Whether demonstrated through his mastery of satire or being used as a keycard when we lock ourselves out of the office, Matt is a key asset to the writing team.

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