Top Ten Ways You’re Celebrating Your One Year Anniversary of Quarantining

10. With alcohol
11. Re-dyeing your hair
12. Going on another walk
13. Burning all your masks symbolically and then buying new ones because you still need them
14. Trying that sourdough bread-making thing everyone was talking about
15. Saying “Oh shit” to yourself very quietly
16. Solidifying the COVID-19 vaccine and then snorting it
17. Talking to someone about what precedented times we’re living in
18. Pretending you got another stimulus check by spending $1,200 anyway
19. Singing “Imagine” by John Lennon