Written by: Kaz Nuckowski

Silent Majority Finally Feels Safe Enough to Say Nothing

After last week’s record time confirmation of Supreme Court Justice Amy Coney Barrett, the silent moral majority finally felt they could breathe. According to one Reddit user, this new development is considered by the silent majority to be “sweet as hell.”

“We don’t have to do anything and America will continue to regress,” said a spokesperson for the silent majority. “Finding any concrete voting trend data on the impact of Barrett’s confirmation is proving more difficult than expected. Exit polls reveal many conservative voters simply winked or flashed a ‘white-people’ smile at surveyors from under their masks. As popularly prophesized by the Republican National Convention since the rise of Reagan, landmark decisions on abortion and gay marriage may finally be overturned in the upcoming Court session.”

Local evangelical pastor and self-proclaimed Trump supporter Jeremiah Faulkland shared his relief after hearing official news of the confirmation. “Praise God! We didn’t really need the Justice seat filled before the election, but now America is sure to stay great, no matter who’s in power afterwards. I’m sure the left will try and contest the election results in coming days, but with Barrett on the court, we’re sure to keep Trump in his rightful place — as President no matter what.”

Distribution Lieutenant at The MQ

Kaz Nuckowski is a Copy Editor for the Muir Quarterly. They are usually found in Half Dome laughing and encouraging students to share their wit or giving their own suggestions to make everyone else laugh. Never doubt Kaz and their skills because they will surprise you, especially when the spread has a comic open and they are feeling inspired!

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