Volume 22
California School Revitalizes Test Scores by Moving Problem Children to Other Schools
After years of struggle to meet standards set by state guidelines, Franklin Elementary exceeded expectations by developing a new strategy: move all of the “problem” children …
Vegan Meals at Roots Found to Contain Actual Vegans
HDH has received numerous complaints about the alleged addition of meat to supposedly vegan meals at Roots. Warren College first-year Rainn Wanatamatanabewan was reportedly among those …
Local Student “Loves to Have Fun”
Gerald Martinez, third year San Diego State student, came under nationwide scrutiny after posting a series of statements on his Facebook, the most controversial being “I …
Developer of “Melted Ice” Releases New Product Line: “Condensed Steam”
A rising star in the refreshment industry, Pepperson, Co., recently announced the much anticipated release of Condensed Steam (patent pending). Pryce Pepperson, CEO of Pepperson, Co., …
KKK Adjusts to Social Climate with New Progressive Corporate Policies
The KKK released their plan to incorporate new progressive policies last week, in an attempt to recruit new liberal members, and gain support in their effort …
Elon Musk Plans Underwater Mars Colony
SpaceX CEO Elon Musk recently released an ambitious plan to colonize Mars, finding a way to make his lifelong fetish of living on the Red Planet …
UCSD Requires Integrity Tutorial, Pre-Med Students More Cutthroat Than Ever
Incoming UCSD freshmen and transfers were surprised in October when they received an email requiring that they complete an “academic integrity tutorial.” Upon opening the email, …
Local Instagram Users Capture Never-Before-Seen Sunset
A group of Instagrammers managed to photograph what they described as “a sunset like no one had ever seen in the transition between WebMD’s list of …
At Least My Dead Son Didn’t Have Autism
I am a mom who cares about her kids. A lot. That’s why when my currently dead child’s doctor told me that my now-dead son would …
Toupee Manufacturer Severs Ties with GOP Candidate Donald Trump
Toupee manufacturer Faux Follicles for Falluses, Inc. formally rescinded its support for prospective GOP candidate Donald Trump in a press conference Friday. Though the company initially …
