Vegan Meals at Roots Found to Contain Actual Vegans


Written by: The MQ

HDH has received numerous complaints about the alleged addition of meat to supposedly vegan meals at Roots.

Warren College first-year Rainn Wanatamatanabewan was reportedly among those affected by the incident. “It all happened so fast,” Wanatamatanabewan said, “I knew I was eating another vegan when my food immediately told me that it was a vegan.

“I can’t believe I was conned into eating another animal and/or animal products or by-products. My veganism is ruined. My entire life is ruined. Now, I have sunk to the level of the meat-eaters, that abyss of the worst of the worst of humanity. Jeffrey Dahmer wasn’t a vegan — now, I am banished to his realm, forever damned to burn with him in our own circle of Hell. How will I validate myself as a human being now?”

“HDH is very concerned that this happened and is investigating the matter further. It is our mission to ensure that student dining at UCSD is of the highest possible quality,” said HDH spokeswoman Helen Smith, who promptly burst into laughter and could not stop for 90 minutes.

Vegan diners around campus are advised to stay aware of what they are eating.

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