Articles
Bacon Found to Cause Cancer, South Secedes
In a recent controversiaI decision, a panel of experts ruled that eating processed meats such as bacon raises one’s risk of developing cancer. As the announcement …
Donald Trump Tries Goody’s Burrito for First Time, Decides Mexican Immigrants Can Stay
Following Donald Trump’s visit to UCSD, the Republican front-runner and likely presidential candidate has decided to reverse his entire foreign policy because of a burrito purchased …
Area Man Shoots Down Drone, Declares Himself King of the Skies, Ruler of the Four Winds
After shooting down a neighbor’s drone hovering 25 feet above the ground in his front yard, local electrician and recreational firearm enthusiast Boris Knotwood leveraged his …
Is It Just Me, or Is the Canadian Liberal Party’s Election Like the Quagga’s Extinction?
Normally, I would not associate myself with the quintessentially leftist and subversive media. However, given the severity of the political climate of our northern neighbor, I …
Paid Family Leave Bill Passed After Cis Man Impregnated
Overwhelming majorities in both the House and the Senate passed an amendment to the Family and Medical Leave Act of 1993 last month, requiring employers to …
Mitochondria Point/Counter Point
Point: The Mitochondria Is, in Fact, Not the Powerhouse of the Cell After seeing so many test questions and textbooks reference such erroneous material like it’s …
Study Finds Taller Americans at Increased Risk of Hitting Head on Passing Jets
A study conducted by the American Medical Association, in conjunction with the University of California, San Diego, confirmed that certain individuals who are taller than others, …
Dress Codes Point/Counter Point
Point: School Dress Codes Are Unnecessary and Unreasonable Middle school was the worst six years of my life. When I was 11 years old, I was …
Satanic Barbecue Point/Counter Point
Point: University of California, San Diego: One Big Homage to the Devil? Greetings, children of the Great Shepherd, our Great Lord. I stand before you today …
Area Mad Scientist Crowdfunds Affront to God
Area Mad Scientist Hugo Mounster began using crowdfunding platform GoFundMe to raise money to create life that is “an affront to all the gods of man.” …
