News
Catholics Postpone St. Patrick’s Day until after Lent, Plan to Get Drunk Guilt-Free
For the first time in history, the Vatican has selected to change the date of this year’s St. Patrick’s Day from March 17 to March 28, …
LAPD Officers Arrested in LAPD Drug Bust on LAPD Cocaine Stronghold
An enormous drug bust carried out by local authorities in a San Bernadino suburb Monday morning resulted in the seizure of millions of dollars’ worth of …
Badass First Year Skips First Discussion Section of His College Career
When first-year UCSD student David Jones finally found the courage to skip his 8 a.m. Math 10A discussion section last Monday at Warren Lecture Hall, he …
Far Right Calls for End to Annual Migration of Monarch Butterflies
The presidential campaign took yet another interesting turn late last month, as a far-right political party called for a press conference to demand a stop to …
Area Man Recycles, Saves Planet
The eyes of the world were focused on San Diego today, as area man Chase Baron officially saved the planet by recycling his 12-oz can of …
Woman Confused Why There’s a Reporter at Her Door
San Diego resident Claudia Barsetti reportedly answered her door early Tuesday afternoon in a state of confusion to find a newspaper reporter asking her questions about …
New Hazard Labels Required for Women in STEM to Ensure Proper Handling
A new line of women’s lab coats equipped with mandatory hazard labels has been issued, free of charge, to all scientific research institutions across the nation …
Student Forgets to Set Alarm Before 15-Minute Power Nap, Sleeps for a Week
In an unfortunate but unsurprising turn of events earlier this Winter Quarter, a UCSD undergraduate found himself living many college students’ worst nightmare: accidentally sleeping through …
Local Insult Comic Paralyzed by Perception of Self
A long string of past experiences and subjectively-derived truths had already determined the outcomes of the most recent performance of the Silicon Valley based insult comic …
Students Celebrate Rich History of St. Patrick’s Day by Wearing Green, Drinking to Excess
This March, UCSD students will commemorate St. Patrick, the man recognized by the Catholic Church as being on par with the original twelve apostles, by getting …
