News
Students Protest Overabundance of Midterms
“Maybe you all should just learn faster,” said one professor.Photo by Dylan Schmidt Recently, UC San Diego’s One Midterm Only movement, took to Library Walk to …
Chancellor Pradeep Khosla Reveals Himself as a ‘Regressor’, Vows To Repeat Term Until Every Student Wants Him Back
“Always, somewhere, someone is fighting for you. As long as you remember me, you are not alone.”Photo by Amit Roth In a revelation that has left …
Trump Declares Time Is Relative, No Need for Third Term
“Time, just like the law, is fluid,” said Trump.Photo by Janice Kim In a press conference Thursday night, President Donald Trump announced he was no longer …
Chemistry Department to Implement Official ‘Weeder Course’
“This is not what I thought the class was going to teach,” said one stoner.Photo by Amit Roth In an effort to “weed out the weak,” …
Muir Introduces School of Life, MQ Office to Be Removed
“Anyone got space for 26 office chairs and a mannequin?” asked one editor.Photo by Amit Roth This year, Muir College debuts its new “School of Life” …
Philippine Political Dynasty Declares Trump ‘Woke’
Trump allegedly plans to annex the Philippines again in a reported “power move.”Photo by Amit Roth Early Monday morning, thousands gathered in Davao City, Philippines for …
Business Department Mandates Monopoly for Course Credit
“This is easily the hardest class I’ve ever taken,” said one International Business major.Photo by Jordan Whitlow Following a recent survey that revealed that approximately 99.99% …
American Dream Deported
“At least we still have Manifest Destiny,” said Hare.Photo by Jordan Whitlow Leaked internal Immigrations and Customs Enforcement (ICE) communications revealed that last week, officers located …
Forks on Roads Increase Traffic
“Silver? Where?” said one driver.Photo by Austin Choy Last month, the Bureau of Accelerating Inland Transportation (BAIT), a recently established California government agency, passed a bill …
