News
Luka Dončić Finds Love on First Date with Lebron James
“A fifth ring for you, Luka,” said James.Photo by Liv Gilbert National Basketball Association (NBA) fans were shocked by a trade that is predicted to impact …
State to Become Church
“What if thy neighbor is a Democrat?” asked Alito.Photo by Ezra Bihis Following a 233-year-long separation, Church and State reunited in the US Department of Justice …
Mexico Renames Mall of America
“This is easily the hardest class I’ve ever taken,” said one International Business major.Photo by Liv Gilbert Mexican President Claudia Sheinbaum announced that Mexico will be …
Yellowface Returns to Hollywood
Zwick insists, Korean or not, that his movies have Seoul.Photo by Janice Kim Last week, Hollywood director Don Zwick reignited controversy over his latest film, a …
Democrats Deny Existence of Trump
“It’s pretty crazy that we don’t have a President, but I guess we’ll make do,” said one Democrat.Photo by Dylan Schmidt With Republicans controlling all branches …
Bathroom Partitions Unite Partisan Politics
“We may not be able to reach across the isle, but we sure can reach across the stall,”said one bathroom-goer.Photo by Justin Xu Recently, a proposed …
UCSD to Replace Methane Burning Power Plant with Coal
“The ’20s are back! The 1820’s, that is,” said one student.Photo by Dylan Schmidt Last week, UC San Diego reaffirmed its continued commitment to protecting the …
The Students v. UC San Diego
“Why do people keep telling me not to Google ‘hung jury’?” asked one juror.Photo by Amit Roth After the filing of a class-action lawsuit in early …
Raccoons to Exterminate Pitcher Plants that Exterminate Raccoons
“I’m too smart to fall into a pitcher PLAAAAAAAAAAANT!” said one student.Photo by Jordan Whitlow After a record number of students were offered on-campus housing through …
