The MQ
Top Fifteen Little Known Things Jesus Said While Ascending to Heaven
1. I mean, I guess this beats crucifixion
2. Wow I definitely thought I was going to Hell
3. Beam me up, Scotty
4. Wait until my father hears about this
5. Please don’t whitewash me in future paintings
6. Oh no, not again
7. Please don’t yell my name when you’re having sex
8. No one look up my robe
9. Jesus OUT
10. Haha, these losers think I’m returning
11. It’s Jesus, bitch
12. I left a million dollars in the …
13. Jesus Fucking Christ
14. Whatever you do, don’t start a religion based on me
15. God is a woman
Trump’s Misunderstanding of the National Anthem Overshadowed by Ability To Whistle “Dixie”
Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders was put to the test earlier this month after President Trump appeared to forget significant portions of “The Star-Spangled Banner” during …
Sessions Announces Plan To Remove Alcohol From Hand Sanitizers in War on Drugs
Earlier this week, Attorney General Jeff Sessions issued a memorandum, encouraging law enforcement agencies to act according to new federal laws regarding the use of marijuana …
Top Ten Regrets You Had at That All You Can Eat Buffet
The cashier wouldn’t ring you up for a kid’s apple juice Not realizing that “all-you-can eat” didn’t mean that everything was edible Starting a riot when …
Top Ten Reasons You’re No Longer Friends with Jim After the Super Bowl Party
He stole your seat He came dressed to support his favorite team: the refs He filled all the kegs with NyQuil He fired his gun into …
Top Ten Uncommon Ways to Show Love For Your Partner
Leave a dead bird on their doorstep Give them your Netflix password Strategically withhold all showings of affection Find them a pretty rock that “made you …
