Tragedy struck during the U.S. – Iranian Peace Accords when President Donald J. Trump reportedly unhinged his jaw, and, in one fell swoop, swallowed the entire Iranian diplomatic corps, like a pelican, as if he were gulping up a school of terrified sardines. Supreme Leader Mojtaba Khamenei has declared this action to be “an indignity of the highest proportion,” in a press release made shortly after the incident. “Our sovereignty as the rightful government of the Iranian people has once again been trounced upon by Western imperialists!”
Secretary of State Marco Rubio responded to the affair. “Frankly, we at the State Department do not understand the outrage directed at President Trump from the Iranians, as well as members of the radical left here at home. This was obviously a minor hiccup, and we are confident that the Iranians will come to their senses once they review our completely reasonable peace plan.”
Trump also commented on the incident, stating “I don’t understand why these Iranis [sic] are so mad! They didn’t even taste good!” When pressed about rising gas prices, he stated, “The only gas I care about is the indigestion these Iranis gave me. No fiber! It’s horrible!”
The premier satire publication at UC San Diego.
