June 3, 2026 You look delectable. Volume XXXII Issue VII

Top Ten Realistic New Year’s Resolutions

Top Ten

Written by: The MQ

February 4, 2026

  1. Kill that guy
  2. Gain every muscle
  3. Consume more short-form content
  4. Kidnap the leader of a South American country
  5. Vertically integrate public education
  6. Allow hate into my heart
  7. Use up all my Dining Dollars
  8. Feel the touch of a woman
  9. Re-enter the Matrix
  10. Finally cuck my boss

The MQ

The premier satire publication at UC San Diego.

Last modified: February 2, 2026