Written by: The MQ

  1. Tell them you’ve decided to settle
  2. Ask your mom to do it for you
  3. WikiHow never failed, right?
  4. Venmo them exactly 69 dollars
  5. Find out their favorite animal and wear its skin
  6. Add them on Google+
  7. Put them on the no-fly list so they can’t get away
  8. Pelt their window with heart-shaped rocks
  9. Create a lonely hearts Piazza post
  10. Just ask. Be direct, you moron

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