Volume 31 Issue 7
Local Student Receives 1500 On SAT, Says Mother
Local high school junior Geoffrey Patrick Anderson received a score of 1500 on his SAT last week. According to a news tip emailed to a local …
Students Start ‘School Idol’ Group
Due to the reduction in UC San Diego’s budget, some students have begun to worry about the school’s lifespan. Motivated by these fears, a few “enthusiastic” …
Price Center to Open Long-Awaited Sperm Bank
“The future is coming,” said lead designer Elliot D’Amore.Photo by Jordan Whitlow Last week, UC San Diego announced the opening of the Triton Seed Vault — …
Target CEO To Come Out As Bisexual Following DEI Rollback
During an emergency press conference outside the Target headquarters, CEO Brian Cornell publicly came out as bisexual, citing “lived experience and a revived pride for financial …
UCSD Introduces ‘Low-Speed, No-Rail’ System
“I have yet to see a villain tie someone to the road,” one student commented.Photo by Amit Roth Amid a flurry of UC-wide budget cuts, UC …
VaporHealth CEO Reveals New Vaping Accessories to ‘Live Up to Their Name’
VaporHealth’s CEO and marketing extraordinaire, Siggie Smok, announced that the company will be “firing up” their new accessory brand, VaporAccess. The line of vaping accessories “takes …
UCSD Announces Hunger Games for Remaining Parking Spot
“Wait, you guys are in it for the parking spot?”, said one competitor.Photo by Jordan Whitlow Amid Trump’s recent attack on public university budgets, UC San …
UCSD Theatre Facing Budget Cuts, Forced to Produce ‘Non-Woke’ Plays
Amid the wave of theatres losing funding as the federal government cuts National Endowment for the Arts grants, UC San Diego threatened the Department of Theatre …
Trump Imposes Tariffs on International Students
“This term is going to be tariff-ic!” said Trump.Photo by Jordan Whitlow In the wake of enacting tariffs on goods ranging from aluminum to foreign movies, …
Famous Critic Says This And That About Recent Movie
Over the last week, acclaimed film critic Arnold Armchair uploaded a series of posts on X about Fodder, aspiring filmmaker Cammy Camera’s debut film. Many X …
