Theo Erickson

EditorialOpinion

I Will Never Write an Editorial

Written by: Theo Erickson

When I was three years old my family took a vow of silence. My father refused to further pollute the marketplace of ideas with our half-baked …

Uncategorized

Susan Bagel: Lemonade

Written by: Theo Erickson

The first warm night of the year. When the birds begin to settle in the trees, all gesture and swoop silhouetted by the burning orange evening, …

Sunday Comics

Blocks Wine

Written by: Theo Erickson

ArticlesCampusNews

SSA Declares Nobody Disabled

Written by: Theo Erickson

Instead of sending rejection letters, the OSD has reportedly begun sending out notices recommending that applicants “try putting Vicks on it.”Photo by Amit Roth The Social …

ArticlesNews

Literature Major Mistakes Sign for Signified

Written by: Theo Erickson

“I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes,” said third-year Literature/Writing major Ace Bassington.Photo by Liv Gilbert Literature major Earnest Bytheway has reportedly mistaken …

FeaturesOther Features

Susan Bagel: Eggs

Written by: Theo Erickson

A raw egg that falls, splatters. A boiled egg that falls merely cracks.  My local supermarket recently began stocking dark yolk eggs. What is a yolk? …

Sunday Comics

McDonald’s E. Coli Outbreak

Written by: Theo Erickson

Briefs

Diamondbacks Backer Backs Train

Written by: Theo Erickson

In a move that reportedly shocked fans who claimed they were led to believe they’d been buying merchandise for a baseball team, the Arizona Diamondbacks’ ventures …

ArticlesNationalNews

Following Ecological Destruction, Fisherman Fishes for Compliments

Written by: Theo Erickson

“You’re telling me this fertilizer doesn’t make the water grow faster?” asked one fisherman.Photo by Farhad Taraporevala The loose parking brake of an unattended truck full …

FeaturesOther Features

Susan Bagel: Asparagus

Written by: James Woolley and Theo Erickson

This spring at the grocery store, I held a bundle of asparagus in my hands and ran a finger down a sinewy length. I thought perhaps …