Theo Erickson
I Will Never Write an Editorial
When I was three years old my family took a vow of silence. My father refused to further pollute the marketplace of ideas with our half-baked …
Susan Bagel: Lemonade
The first warm night of the year. When the birds begin to settle in the trees, all gesture and swoop silhouetted by the burning orange evening, …
SSA Declares Nobody Disabled
Instead of sending rejection letters, the OSD has reportedly begun sending out notices recommending that applicants “try putting Vicks on it.”Photo by Amit Roth The Social …
Literature Major Mistakes Sign for Signified
“I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes,” said third-year Literature/Writing major Ace Bassington.Photo by Liv Gilbert Literature major Earnest Bytheway has reportedly mistaken …
Susan Bagel: Eggs
A raw egg that falls, splatters. A boiled egg that falls merely cracks. My local supermarket recently began stocking dark yolk eggs. What is a yolk? …
Diamondbacks Backer Backs Train
In a move that reportedly shocked fans who claimed they were led to believe they’d been buying merchandise for a baseball team, the Arizona Diamondbacks’ ventures …
Following Ecological Destruction, Fisherman Fishes for Compliments
“You’re telling me this fertilizer doesn’t make the water grow faster?” asked one fisherman.Photo by Farhad Taraporevala The loose parking brake of an unattended truck full …
Susan Bagel: Asparagus
This spring at the grocery store, I held a bundle of asparagus in my hands and ran a finger down a sinewy length. I thought perhaps …
