Mcdonald’s to Serve Carbonated Eggnog

In an unexpected move that both horrified and confused consumers nationwide, McDonald’s has announced that they will be serving carbonated eggnog for the duration of the holiday season. The limited-time item will be sold in 16, 24, and 36oz sizes, and can be served hot or cold. Unique to the drink, McDonald’s has also announced that customers will be able to control the level of carbonation in their drink, ranging from “champagne bubbles” to “a hot spring in Yellowstone.”

“Eggnog is a classic holiday drink, and at McDonald’s, we’re all about the holiday spirit,” a McDonald’s spokesperson said. “As such, we decided to add a CO2- inspired twist to that classic drink, and we can’t wait to see what people think!”

The new beverage has been described by taste-testers as having the fizziness of soda, the thickness of eggnog, and the taste of both. The main adjective used by control groups was “drinkable,” though many could reportedly not finish the drink, and went into a state of shock. McDonald’s interpreted this positively, claiming that the drink was so good, “people had to take a breather, and cry tears of joy.”