During last week’s Thursday service, Episcopal Inadventist Communion of Saints — an American Christian Evangelical church — Pastor-Shepherd Noah Beckett officially denounced “Satan’s last bastion in the world: the Middle East”. Beckett encouraged his flock to embark on missions but lamented that “their souls [were] already lost from birth,” in his opinion, so the missions would not result in any conversions.
“Those n[ice people] pray to Allah,” Beckett reasoned, “I don’t think they can be Christian if they’re…Arab.”
A video of the sermon went viral on X, stirring up discourse between various religious and ethnic groups over the validity of Christians in Muslim-majority countries. Despite friction between American Evangelical Christians and Fundamentalist Muslims, the previously opposed groups have banded together to condemn Middle East and North African (MENA) Christians for “worshipping God wrong” and “straying from the true path,” respectively.
MENA Christians have defended their right to their religion, and many have emphasized their presence in the region since time immemorial. Local lesbian and Palestinian Christian Maryam Xeeted, “my parents’ village has literally been christian since the literal apostle Paul came here, how could we be worshipping wrong.” She later retracted the Xeet after a barrage of death threats from the Communion of Saints.
World-renowned rapper, set ordinance, and map direction, Patriarch Cardi(nal) previously ventured on a quest by the Basileus ton Rhomaion to find the elixir of life. Failing in this, he was then banished to live in the oubliette of the Méga Palátion in Constantinople — and now begs for those above the grate to "let him out of the pit."
