June 3, 2026 You look delectable. Volume XXXII Issue VII

Top Ten Reasons Not to Release The Epstein Files

Top Ten

Written by: The MQ

September 24, 2025

  1. Grocery prices will drop
  2. They’re all husbands and/or fathers
  3. Good Christian forgiveness
  4. They were young and it was an honest mistake
  5. The House Republicans need to come into work at least once
  6. [REDACTED]
  7. They were actually released if you were paying attention
  8. Why you askin’? You a commie?
  9. It’s treasonous
  10. I forgot
The MQ

The premier satire publication at UC San Diego.

Last modified: September 22, 2025