Cole Johnson
Weather Forecast Now Shows Chances of CEO Assassination
“Wait, so does ‘20%’ mean 20% coverage of bullet rain, or that there’s a 20% chance of bullet rain?”asked Fawner.Photo by Dylan Schmidt After the assassination …
No, Just Because You Uppercut Me Does Not Mean You’re ‘Punching Up’
Today, one of my dear HUMR 101: Intro to Humor students, who I will call “Jimmy,” came into my office, wound up his fist, and uppercutted …
UCSD to Ban Witch Trials
“I hope this isn’t just a complicated spell the witches are casting,” said one student as they watched a pile of torches and pitchforks burn.Photo by …
Family of Four Moves Next to Bomb Factory, Surprised by Frequent Explosions
“When the realtor said the deal was dynamite, I assumed they meant the price!” said Suzie Smith.Photo by Jordan Whitlow The newly moved-in Smith family was …
Chancellor Khosla Announces New Evil Department
“Finally, I can pick the greater of two evils,” said one student.Photo by Dylan Schmidt An email sent by Chancellor Pradeep Khosla last Thursday announced that …
Disney Is a Striking Example of the Proliferation of Capitalism vs Fuck You, I’m Mickey Mouse
POINT: Disney Is a Striking Example of the Proliferation of Capitalism Back in my day, characters could only be owned by a company for about 14 …
