The MQ
Two Titans of UCSD Class Battle Over Reading Neither Understood
Rufus Dunmore and Elliot Sinclair, mountainous figures in Professor Glenmore’s EDS 138 class, squared off in class during a discussion. Their voices, charged with the confidence …
ERC Student Finds Plastic in Cafe Ventanas Food; Excited for Change of Pace
Last Wednesday, ERC sophomore Dylan Biggs was surprised and delighted to find a piece of plastic within his Chicken Noodle Soup while eating at Cafe Ventanas. …
ResNet to Install Dial-Up Modems in dorms
After a campus wide Internet shortage, ResNet promised to address all complaints by installing state-of-the-art dial-up modems. “This is a serious problem, despite what anyone would …
Jeb Bush Mourns Loss of Innocence, Campaign Slogan
Office manager Selena Chavez confirmed just minutes ago that presidential candidate Jeb Bush was once again in the middle of another “mood,” which she described as …
U.N. Institutes Ethics Training, Solves All World Problems
In a sweeping gesture of global leadership, the United Nations General Assembly has unilaterally decreed that every single person in the world must now undergo an …
Donald Trump Tries Goody’s Burrito for First Time, Decides Mexican Immigrants Can Stay
Following Donald Trump’s visit to UCSD, the Republican front-runner and likely presidential candidate has decided to reverse his entire foreign policy because of a burrito purchased …
Is It Just Me, or Is the Canadian Liberal Party’s Election Like the Quagga’s Extinction?
Normally, I would not associate myself with the quintessentially leftist and subversive media. However, given the severity of the political climate of our northern neighbor, I …
Mitochondria Point/Counter Point
Point: The Mitochondria Is, in Fact, Not the Powerhouse of the Cell After seeing so many test questions and textbooks reference such erroneous material like it’s …
Study Finds Taller Americans at Increased Risk of Hitting Head on Passing Jets
A study conducted by the American Medical Association, in conjunction with the University of California, San Diego, confirmed that certain individuals who are taller than others, …
Dress Codes Point/Counter Point
Point: School Dress Codes Are Unnecessary and Unreasonable Middle school was the worst six years of my life. When I was 11 years old, I was …
