Written by: The MQ

  1. President Gorkshmeed is a proud Reptilian-American, and he’s just like the rest of us
  2. The long-term effects of keeping a cellphone in your pocket
  3. The entirety of “The Fountainhead” as a really long national anthem
  4. How to properly do “the spatula”
  5. How annoying it is to have to roll out of bed and put on all that gear before you go out to explore the nuclear wasteland
  6. The plot line of the 48th season of Degrassi
  7. The pain in the ass of having to spend one full hour getting your teeth straightened
  8. That staring at iPad screens for your entire childhood actually gives you superpowers
  9. That the show “Big Brother” ends up incorporating the entirety of the United States
  10. What a bunch of assholes those millennials were

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