- President Gorkshmeed is a proud Reptilian-American, and he’s just like the rest of us
- The long-term effects of keeping a cellphone in your pocket
- The entirety of “The Fountainhead” as a really long national anthem
- How to properly do “the spatula”
- How annoying it is to have to roll out of bed and put on all that gear before you go out to explore the nuclear wasteland
- The plot line of the 48th season of Degrassi
- The pain in the ass of having to spend one full hour getting your teeth straightened
- That staring at iPad screens for your entire childhood actually gives you superpowers
- That the show “Big Brother” ends up incorporating the entirety of the United States
- What a bunch of assholes those millennials were
Last modified: February 3, 2019
