Photo by: Lawrence Lee
Director James Cameron has announced today that not only will he film all four “Avatar” sequels back to back starting this summer, but he will also be filming all four films in one continuous take in order to “push the boundaries of cinema and get this all wrapped up before dinner.”
“The long take is a staple of cinema since the 50s with Orson Welles’ ‘Touch of Evil’ and today with films such as ‘Birdman,’” yelled Cameron as he climbed the side of Mount Fuji blindfolded. “But I plan to bring this to the next level by filming all four films, all 12 hours, all at once in one take. This has never been done before, and I know, I checked extensively to make sure I was the first. I mean if I don’t get a medal that says ‘First Ever’ what’s even the point? Artistic vision? Fuck that.”
Production of the films is set to start July 27, 2017 and set to end July 27, 2017. The stars of the film have said this will put a large strain on them, especially Sam Worthington, who fell into a coma after doing voice work for Call of Duty Black Ops II in 2012 and hasn’t woken up since.
“Look, if I’m doing all four films in one long take, I’m doing it in one take. I don’t care how hard it is on the actors,” said Cameron, smirking as he loaded himself into a cannon aimed at the moon. “They call me One Take Drake, they call me. One take and we are done. No room for mistakes and no room for any questions. Nope, it’ll be perfect, and that’s the bottom line of the final straws.”
Public opinion has been mixed since the announcement of the four sequels, with many people criticizing Cameron’s ambition. One critic called it “foolhardy,” saying, “The first one was basically Space ‘Pocahontas.’ I don’t see how there’s four more films worth of material here. I mean, Disney’s ‘Pocahontas’ couldn’t even make it past a direct-to-VHS sequel, let alone 12 hours of Sam Worthington’s smurfed-up, saltine cracker face space-docking with a tree.”
In order to follow up the 2009 film, one of the first CGI heavy films, Cameron has spent the last eight years researching new technology to make the sequels even better. Originally Cameron planned on producing no piece of media for 10 years in order to find the “next big thing,” but it was shortened to eight years after he was introduced to the concept of the internet in 2015.
“It will be amazing. We will use revolutionary technology unlike anything ever seen in order to complete all four films at once,” said Cameron, mainlining cocaine and shotgunning a beer while falling out of a plane parachuteless. “Not only will we be using real Avatars in order to circumvent CGI, but we will also be using a memory card big enough for 12 hours of 8K, 240fps, 4D footage. Amazing!”
While “Avatar V” will be released 2023, Cameron hinted that he had ideas for more beyond the sequels.
“Let’s just say I’m in talks to bring Arnold [Schwarzenegger] and Leonardo [Dicaprio] in as some familiar faces from some of my films. Wink, wink,” said Cameron. “Now excuse me, I have to eat this entire Cinnabon and make it to Terminal D before my flight leaves. It’s just another crazy eventful day in the life of James Cameron, ha HA!”
