Last Friday, UC San Diego Housing, Dining and Hospitality (HDH) announced that they will update their pet policy to include domesticated mold. This decision comes after several students complained they discovered colonies within their shared living spaces and bedrooms.
“We’ve been keeping up with the ‘growing’ popularity of these molds being kept as pets,” said one HDH representative. “Consequently, we have decided to make some changes to our pet policy that we believe students will greatly appreciate.”
According to HDH, the following mold breeds will be allowed access to on-campus housing: penicillium, cladosporium, aspergillus, and stachybotrys chartarum, or ‘black mold’ as it is more commonly known.
“This is perfect timing,” said mycologist Peter Ridisch. “The campus will be experiencing a wet winter, the perfect conditions for raising any mold!”
Despite the inclusion of domesticated molds, dogs, cats, and other animals remain excluded from this revision. “I’m all for it,” said a Thurgood Marshall resident. “They don’t make noise and are easy to take care of, unlike those pets that stare at me from the windows. I don’t wanna see your ugly-ass cat, Sandy.” Rumors are circling that HDH will also include cockroaches (no more than 57 in one residence and kept in a 10 milliliter tank) into the policy change.
Jack? I know a Jack! He's one of the MQ's trustworthy copyeditors. If you want him to refrain from yapping in your ear, do your best to not mention anything regarding the Watchmen comics, modern/postmodern literature, vinyl records or fish.
