Top Ten Ways to Avoid Zoom Calls

10. Become a vampire and claim the host never invited you
11. Cultivate an image of yourself as a person who doesn’t know how to press buttons
12. Legally change your name to “Bad Internet Connection”
13. Get married the same day as the call
14. Don’t pay your internet bill
15. Go on 123Movies.com and invite all of the hot milfs in your area to the Zoom call
16. Go back in time, meet the love of your life, get married, buy a house together, get pregnant, and have the baby on the date of the Zoom call
17. Change your name to Matthew and no one will want you there anyway
18. Single-handedly end the pandemic yourself
19. Just don’t go